am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
