We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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