do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
