Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
