im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
