Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
