i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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