I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
