Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
