i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
