got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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