you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
