I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Text me some of your sweat
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
