bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
