I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
