ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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