Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
