So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Operation Purity has been aborted
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
