Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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