I can text with my tongue
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
