Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
