It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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