My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
