i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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