If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
