my phone needs a breathalizer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
