I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
