Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
