at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
