I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
