don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
