I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
