The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
