i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
