i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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