do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
