i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
