For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
