she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
