So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Welp...herpes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
