well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
