and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
