i need an iv and a liver transplant
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm like, not good at living.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
