I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
