Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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