ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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