Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need a beard to bite.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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