Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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