At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
