were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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