I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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