I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
