Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
