As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
time to smoke my breakfast
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
