If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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