turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
